


See Me

by Missicle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Frustration, Internal Conflict, Jealousy, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 20:12:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15542103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missicle/pseuds/Missicle
Summary: All Kenma ever wanted was to be a wallflower-- to go unnoticed by virtually everyone. But, upon moving in with his lifelong best friend, he's finding his desire to go unnoticed suddenly shift, even if it's only one person that he actually wants to look at him.





	1. Annoyance

Kenma Kozume was not happy. Aside from the obvious annoyance presented by his roommate having loud sex while he was trying to beat Demon Saga 6™, something else was bothering him, and he couldn’t quite say what it was.

“B. B. A. B. Block. Jump. LT. LT. Juke. A.”, he mumbled to himself, narrating his actions as he tried his best to block out the animalistic sounds coming from Kuroo’s room. “Shit… I didn’t save at that last checkpoint… This looks like the boss chamber. … … … Oh, yep, there he is.”

“Juke. Juke. Block. … … … …”

The half-blonde flopped backwards onto his bed. “ _Why can’t I beat this boss?”,_ he sighed. He laid there for a moment before rolling onto his side.

He was frustrated.

He was annoyed.

But it wasn’t about the game, and that’s what was bothering him the most.

Kuroo… Why was he roommates with Kuroo again?

Sure, they’d been friends for years, but they were nothing alike. Kuroo was cool, outgoing, and incredibly handsome, while Kenma was lazy, antisocial, and was average at best as far as his appearance was concerned. He should’ve thought about all the things that could’ve gone wrong _before_ he moved in with Kuroo. It was too late now-- he was trapped in his lease for at least the next seven months and was sure that, when the time came to either renew the lease or find a new place, Kuroo would sweet talk him into staying.

Just like Kuroo talked him into playing volleyball in middle school and high school.

Just like Kuroo talked him into going to the same college together.

Just like Kuroo talked him into moving in in the first place.

Did Kenma ever make any decisions for himself?

 _God, Kuroo was annoying._ The girl he was fucking was even worse. Didn’t she know he lived with someone? In fact, didn’t she think for a moment that she might be disturbing the entire apartment complex with her godawful howling?

Kenma glanced around his modest room looking for his headphones. If nothing else, he could _try_ to block out the noises, right? Ah- there they were-- on the floor, just a few feet away from his bed. The blonde scooted on his stomach over to the edge of the bed and stretched as far as he could to try to reach them; they only _just_ escaped his grasp. Since getting up to get them would be entirely too much effort and was therefore out of the question, Kenma was faced with two options: either do without and have to listen to the two rabbits in the next room or figure out a way to get himself within reach of the headphones.

He eventually chose the latter, allowing himself to ooze off of the bed and onto the floor as if he were a particularly viscous fluid, where he lazily threw an arm at them, catching the wire in his slender fingers before reeling in his prize. He shoved the buds as deeply into his ear canal as he could manage and was relieved by the effect it had on muffling the unwanted sounds. He quickly plugged the other end into his phone, selected a random playlist, and sighed happily as the music overtook the noises of his environment. The floor was cool on his bare arms, but Kenma could hardly complain; after all, the primary irritant in his life at the moment was taken care of. He could deal with being a little chilly, so long as it meant that he didn't have to move.

 

“Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you?”

Kenma stirred to these words as he became increasingly aware that his body was in motion. It was only once he made contact with his bed that he realized he’d been carried there. A half-opened eyelid revealed that the perpetrator was none other than Kuroo, who was, at the moment, pulling a blanket up over Kenma’s slight body.

“Oh, good, you're awake”, said the dark haired man as he pulled the blanket up to Kenma’s chin, “What were you thinking, you idiot? You're gonna catch a cold if you sleep on the floor!” Kenma shrugged and closed his eye once more. The weight shifted on his bed, and he could only assume that Kuroo had sat down. Moments later his assumption was proven correct as Kuroo’s cold, bare feet connected with Kenma’s calf under the blanket. An arm was thrown across Kenma’s narrow abdomen and a charming voice cooed, “You need to take care of yourself. I honestly don't know what would've happened if you didn't move in with me.” Kenma frowned. “I'd have some peace and quiet, maybe?”, he retorted, the irritation he felt before he slept coming back in full force. “Oh”, laughed Kuroo sheepishly, “You heard that?”. Kenma turned his head and opened his eyes, making sure that his best friend could see how deeply he was frowning. “I'm sure the whole _neighborhood_ hear that”, he said, glaring.

Kuroo chuckled and mumbled an apology, and a silence settled among the two for a few minutes while Kuroo held Kenma. Finally the blonde spoke again. “So, what, Kanna didn't feel like sticking around and cuddling you afterwards? Is that why you're bothering me?”, Kenma asked, still annoyed by the position he was put in. Kuroo grinned stupidly. “Actually, that was Yui, but… I told her I had something I had to do afterwards, so if she wanted to do it, we could, but it had to be quick and she’d have to leave after.” Again the younger man cast a glance over his shoulder to his friend. “So why don't you go do whatever it is that you have to do?”, Kenma asked. Kuroo smiled and pulled the smaller man closer.

 _“I am”,_ he grinned.

Kenma scoffed and turned away from Kuroo, drawing the blankets up to his chin. “You’re a terrible person”, the blonde mumbled through a wad of comforter. Kuroo gasped, rolling onto his side and looping his arm around Kenma’s waist. “I will have you know”, started the dark-haired man as he snuggled up against Kenma’s slight body, “...that you just hurt my feelings.” “Good”, sighed Kenma, “I’m sure what’s-her-face wasn’t feeling too good either when you made her leave.” “Oh trust me”, grinned Kuroo, his smile evident even in his speech, “She was feeling _really_ good when she left here.” Kenma scoffed once more and rolled his eyes. “I will never understand what all these girls see in you.” “It’s not about what they see on the _inside_ ”, Kuroo grinned, pressing his forehead against the back of Kenma’s head, “It’s about what they see on the _outside.”_ “Don’t you feel even the slightest bit of shame”, Kenma sighed, “saying things like that with your own mouth?”. Kuroo laughed and pulled the blonde closer. “Don’t be silly. Girls would be all over you, too, if you’d put in a little effort.” “I don’t _want_ girls all over me. It’s bad enough I have _you_ ”, lamented the younger man. “Aww, Kitten, you don’t mean that”, Kuroo frowned. Kenma glanced over his shoulder and said blankly, “Yes, I do.” Kuroo sat up, glancing dejectedly at the younger man before saying, “Fine… I’ll leave you alone…”. As he moved to get out of the bed, though, a cold hand grasped his wrist. “...don’t”, came a quiet voice from behind him. The older man couldn’t help but smile as he crawled back under the covers and wrapped his arms around Kenma once more.

“I love you”, Kuroo said gently to the back of the blonde’s head. Kenma remained silent for a moment before replying, “...okay, I changed my mind, you can leave.”


	2. Confliction

Kuroo and Kenma had intermittently been saying they love each other for at least a decade, but ever since the two began living together, something changed in each man. Kuroo seemed to be saying it with much greater frequency, while Kenma only ever said it reflexively when they were hanging up on the phone. He used to be more willing to indulge Kuroo in his whimsies, but since he moved in, those three little words began feeling less like an indication of the depth of their friendship and more like a curse, condemning Kenma to forever wanting more than what he had.

Somewhere, deep inside him, were feelings that the blonde did his best to ignore; feelings that ached with the words,  _ ‘I want Kuroo to look at me the way he looks at her’.  _ Kenma tried his hardest to suppress these feelings and for the most part they kept themselves from bubbling up during the day, but somehow, in the darkness of their neglect, they grew stronger, so that every pang of desire was a knife in the chest. And as these feelings were allowed to fester deep inside the blonde, an unusual consequence arose, and Kenma found that he no longer trusted women. He knew it was irrational, and knew that it wasn’t the fault of the girls that were sleeping with the man he loved, but still he found himself uncomfortable whenever he was in the presence of a female. Kuroo would joke and say that Kenma was just shy, but the blonde knew what was really at the root of his feelings, even if he was reluctant to admit it even to himself.

Kenma knew that his unspoken desire was unrealistic, but he still couldn’t help it. Outside of his over-affectionate nature when he was with Kenma, Kuroo had never said or done anything to indicate that he was interested in men. But even then, Kenma couldn’t quite figure out if the dark-haired man’s behavior was because of his close friendship with the blonde or because he simply didn’t want Kenma to leave. It was  _ highly  _ frustrating, particularly when Kuroo brought his dates back to their ‘bachelor pad’, as he liked to call it.

And it wasn’t like Kenma hadn’t  _ tried  _ to bring these feelings up with Kuroo; he just never got very far. Any time he attempted to sit down and have a conversation with the dark-haired man (of which, there had been precisely two occasions), the older man  _ completely  _ misunderstood what he was saying, taking Kenma into a big bear hug and exclaiming, “I love you too! I’m so glad you moved in with me! Now it can be just like old times!”. Statements like those took all the wind out of Kenma’s sails, and wholly drained the young blonde of any and all enthusiasm to press the conversation further, to clarify that his intentions were not those of lifelong best friends, but of one who was interested in another in a romantic manner. 

Not that Kenma was particularly interested in upsetting the status quo, if he was being honest with himself. As much as it pained him to see the parade of women coming in and out of his apartment, he had to admit that, if he had to have  _ anyone  _ as a roommate… well, he’d want it to be Kuroo. Kuroo seemed to be the only person in the world he could tolerate in large doses, which was another thing that contributed to the sickening feeling that he might just want to be more than just ‘best friends’ with the spiky-haired man he practically grew up with. The other good thing about Kuroo was that he knew when to back off when Kenma was feeling overwhelmed, and he knew how to give the younger man space. This was a trait that Kenma found lacking in nearly every other person he came across, and it was something he greatly appreciated in his current roommate, even in spite of his other obvious shortcomings.

“Hey”, the dark haired man called, popping his head into Kenma’s room and shaking the younger man from his despairing thoughts, “I made dinner. You wanna join me?”. The half-blonde man studied his roommate for a moment, hoping to see any sort of suggestion of his feelings in his eyes; instead, all he saw was the same old Kuroo he’d known and loved for nearly a decade. “Sure”, he shrugged, “Let me save real quick.” “Don’t forget about me~!”, Kuroo sang as he shut the door over behind him.

“If only I could”, Kenma muttered, powering down his device as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall.   
  
  



	3. Embarrassment

How long had Kenma lived with Kuroo? It seemed like forever. As days turned into weeks and weeks slipped into months, the younger man felt every ounce of hope fading away that anything more than friendship could come of his bond with Kuroo. The dark haired man was just so oblivious, and it’s not exactly like Kenma himself was Mr. Obvious when it came to his feelings anyway.

The same routines seemed to continue: Kuroo would invite Kenma out, Kenma would decline, then Kuroo would find some girl, bring her back to the apartment, screw her, send her home, and then snuggle up to Kenma, regardless of where he was or what he was doing. The more often it happened, the dirtier Kenma felt, as if he was just being used to fill a void... but he still couldn’t bring himself to put an end to it. As pathetic as it made him feel, he still absolutely craved the closeness to Kuroo, even if it was for all the wrong reasons.

One Friday evening in late February, Kenma, exhausted from a long day of classes, was surprised to find himself suddenly being tackled to the floor the moment he entered his apartment. He managed to grunt, _“Hi… Bo…”,_ before the older man climbed off of him. “Welcome home, Kenma!”, Bokuto grinned, moving to a sitting position with his legs crossed on the floor as the blonde tried to regain his bearings. “Hi Kenma”, came the polite voice (accompanied by an appropriate amount of personal space) of Akaashi. “Hello”, Kenma said quietly, pushing himself up off the floor and shooting Kuroo a questioning glare.

“Go put your stuff down”, grinned his dark-haired roommate, “We’re going out!”. Kenma picked up his backpack and as he started towards his room, called, “Nah, I’m good”, before quickly shutting the door behind him. This, of course, was not an acceptable answer to Kuroo who, after excusing himself from his company, followed Kenma into his room, only to find the blonde flopped face down on his bed.

“Come on, Kitten, let’s go”, Kuroo said, shaking Kenma by the shoulder. “Don’t wanna”, came Kenma’s muffled voice through the bedspread. Kuroo frowned and, shaking Kenma even harder, enthused, “Bokuto and Akaashi came to see us! Let’s go have a good time!”. The blonde turned his head so that he could look at Kuroo with one eye and, with disdain, sighed, “They're here at _least_ once a month. Can't you entertain them yourself this time? Besides, I’ve got a raid I’m supposed to be a part of in forty-five minutes…”. “Screw your raid”, grinned Kuroo as he leaned down and scooped up the smaller man, “You’re coming with us! You need to get out more!” “I get out plenty”, Kenma sighed as Kuroo threw him over his shoulder as if he was a doll, “...in fact, I literally _just_ got home.” “From school, sure!”, laughed Kuroo, “but what fun is that?”. “I’d be having fun”, Kenma protested as Kuroo threw open his bedroom door, “if you let me stay home and go on my raid.”

“Kenma’s ready!”, grinned Kuroo while striding into the living room with the blonde still tossed over his shoulder. “Alright!”, cheered Bokuto, while Akaashi shook his head and frowned, “...Are you kidnapping him?” _“Kidnapping him?!”,_ exclaimed Kuroo in mock indignation, “Why I never!”.

 

Two hours later, Kenma was at his limit. Despite his endless protests, Kuroo had dragged him to a dance club. He’d tried really hard to get Kenma to dance with him, employing Bokuto and even Akaashi on this mission, but he ultimately had to accept defeat when the blonde found a seat at the corner of the bar, pulled out his phone, and did his best to participate in the raid on mobile (as suboptimal as that was).

The group left their friend to his own device(s) for a long while and tried to focus instead on having a good time. Towards the end of the campaign, though, Kenma felt chills run up his spine when a voice spoke near his ear, asking, _“Hey, can I buy you a drink?”_. The blonde stared blankly at his device for a moment and, without looking up, replied, “No, thanks. I’m underage, in case you didn’t see the bracelet.” He half-heartedly waved his left elbow, gesturing vaguely towards the paper bracelet he’d been given upon entering the club that showed he wasn’t permitted to purchase alcohol, unwilling to let go of his phone but still feeling the need to indicate that he was under twenty one, hoping that that would bring an end to the unwanted conversation he was taking part in.

A sudden familiar laugh rang out, and Kenma snapped his head up to try to make sense of what was happening. “Sorry, I was just playing”, laughed Akaashi jovially, “Do you mind if I join you?”. Feeling a strange combination of relief and embarrassment, Kenma simply nodded.

The two sat in silence for several minutes before the dark-haired man spoke again. “You know… he’ll never know how you feel unless you tell him.” Just like that, the blonde’s heart was in his throat; _how did Akaashi know how Kenma felt? Was Kenma **that**  obvious? _The blonde looked up from his device and looked back towards the dance floor. He immediately found Kuroo, and his heart sank, seeing the man that he loved so dearly dancing so close to others. Turning back, he sighed, “I… I can’t.” “Why not?”, asked Akaashi with an eyebrow raised, “You’re completely entitled to your feelings.”

Kenma bit his lip and thought for a moment before clicking off his phone and putting it face down on the counter. “I don’t want anything to change, though”, the blonde finally confessed, glancing to Akaashi before looking back to his own lap after realizing once more that he just doesn’t have what it takes to have a heart to heart conversation when there’s eye contact involved. Akaashi, however, looked upon the smaller man curiously. “I’m sure nothing would change, Kenma. You and I both know Kuroo better than that. He loves you for who you are.” “...do you think so?”, Kenma heard himself asking. A broad smile spread across Akaashi’s face as he gently placed his hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “Are you kidding?”, he grinned, “I know so!”.

Summoning up all his courage, Kenma looked up into Akaashi’s eyes and asked, “So what do I do then? How am I supposed to tell him that I like him?”. In asking this question, Kenma had expected some sort of advice or practical response or suggestion. He even would’ve settled for an anecdote from Akaashi’s own relationship. What he _didn’t_ expect, however, was for the former setter’s face to fall from a look of cheeriness to one of near-horror as the realization washed over him that the two men were having the same conversation on completely different topics.

“...like him…?”, Akaashi repeated, dumbfounded that there’d been such a rift in their communication. Kenma, too, could soon tell by the look on the other man’s face that something in their conversation had gone horribly wrong. “Y- yeah…”, started the blonde, “...that’s what we were talking about, right? ...that I like Kuroo and… should… talk to him… because…”. Akaashi looked absolutely mortified as he slowly shook his head. “...I was just saying that you should tell Kuroo that you hate coming to these places… because I thought it wasn’t fair for him to keep dragging you out when you clearly just want to be home…”.

The two sat in a sickening silence for a minute while the weight of their words settled upon them.

“Well”, started Kenma suddenly, hopping down from his stool as he spoke, “This is too embarrassing to live through, so I’m gonna go home and kill myself. See ya”. Akaashi caught him by his sleeve of his hoodie and pulled the blonde back. “Wait!”, he choked, “No-- I mean, it’s fine-- I can give you advice on this too. I was just… surprised! That’s all! Please, come sit.” Kenma shook his head. “Nope!”, he exclaimed, “I can’t do this!” “Come on”, smiled Akaashi, “I promise, I’m not judging you or anything. I mean…”. He glanced back quickly to the dance floor and sighed, shaking his head, “...just look at my own boyfriend.” This argument seemed to convince Kenma, who, after pausing briefly, took his seat at the bar once more. 

“So”, started Akaashi uncomfortably, unsure of how to begin the conversation he hadn’t intended to walk into, “...you like Kuroo. Uh... How long have you felt like this?”. Kenma seemed to consider this for a moment before turning to get off of his stool once more. “Nope!”, he repeated, “I can’t do this. Sorry”. Again Akaashi laughed, though this time he caught his sleeve before the blonde even managed to get down. “No, it’s okay. Stay”, the dark-haired man grinned.

Kenma turned back and faced the bar once more. He picked up his phone and checked for notifications before placing it back down. “I dunno”, Kenma suddenly shrugged in an answer to the other man’s prior question, _“Forever?”._ Akaashi nodded knowingly. “I see”, he said thoughtfully, “...Have you tried telling him about it?”.

The blonde snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah”, he admitted, glancing back to Kuroo only to see him grinding on Bokuto on the dance floor. He shook his head in disgust with himself before continuing, “But he never understands what I’m saying. He seems to think that I’m just, I dunno, _appreciating our friendship_ or something.” “I see”, Akaashi nodded again.

As a silence began settling between the two once more, Kenma suddenly blurted out, “So what do I do?!”. This clearly caught Akaashi off guard, but the blonde pressed on. “Is there a way to just, I dunno, _forget_ my-- my--” “Crush?”, the dark-haired man grinned. Kenma visibly shuddered.

“Well”, started Akaashi, turning to face Kenma, “My advice would normally be for you to try to communicate more openly and directly. However...I’m not really sure that’s practical in this situation.” “Why not?”, frowned Kenma. He didn’t particularly disagree with Akaashi’s assessment, but still felt somewhat offended that he was being counted out without having had a chance to speak his mind. “Well”, shrugged the dark-haired man, “You said you’ve liked him forever. And he’s probably the closest person in the world to you. If you haven’t been able to get through to him at this point, I’m not sure what it would take.” At this, the blonde nodded in understanding. “So what do you suggest I do, then?”, he asked with a frown.

Akaashi lulled his head for a moment before simpering to the smaller man. “This might not be the most _ethical_ advice to give you, but… I think that you should try to make him jealous.” “Jealous?”, Kenma repeated skeptically. Akaashi nodded. “Let’s face it. Neither of the guys we like are the most observant of men. At least this way you can know for sure whether he has feelings for you or not.” “How do you figure?”, Kenma frowned, inspecting his phone once more as he spoke. “Well”, laughed Akaashi, “If he likes you, he’ll be jealous, right? And if he doesn’t like you, he won’t.” “I guess…”, the blonde shrugged, though a part of him couldn’t help but feel like something in this plan was off.

“Akaashiiiii!”, came an all too familiar whine. “That didn’t take long”, the former setter groaned as a pair of arms appeared around his neck. “Where’d you go?!”, whined Bokuto. “I came to check on Kenma”, Akaashi replied calmly. “Kenma’s fine”, came another voice, accompanied by another pair of arms. Akaashi couldn’t help but grin as he watched Kenma’s face turn bright red once Kuroo’s arms were snaked around him; suddenly a lot more things made sense.

Yawning loudly and stretching exaggeratedly, Akaashi turned around and, placing his hands on Bokuto’s hips, said, “I’m tired. Let’s start heading home.” Bokuto tried to protest, “But, Akaashi!!!”, but a glimmer in his boyfriend’s eye made him back down. “But…”, Bokuto frowned, “We were gonna go back to Kuro and Kenma’s…”. Akaashi shook his head slowly. “Let’s go home”, the younger man grinned. Bokuto glanced between Akaashi and Kuroo before finally relenting, “Oh… okay.”

Kenma eyed the couple suspiciously.

Having a crush on Kuroo was bad enough as it was; having someone else in on his secret was nearly unbearable.  



	4. Despair

Kenma sat on Akaashi’s words for a few weeks and thought about just how practical the suggestion he was given was. He even tried playing a few dating simulators to see if Fukurodani’s former setter’s advice had any weight to it. After a handful of successful runs, he had to say… he was feeling more optimistic. 

At least… he was whenever Kuroo didn’t have girls over. Each time the older man brought over a new ‘guest’, Kenma’s heart sank lower and lower, particularly once Kuroo got into bed with him for his post-coital cuddles. 

One night, as Kuroo snuggled up extra close to the blonde, nuzzling his neck as he spooned Kenma, the smaller man suddenly blurted out, “I’m going on a date tomorrow.” 

He could feel Kuroo’s body stiffen, and the older man slowly raised himself up onto his elbow. “...Really?”, Kuroo asked. Kenma stared at the wall ahead of him and nodded, quietly confirming, “Yeah”. The blonde clenched his eyes shut; lying to his best friend was the worst feeling in the world. The room was silent for a moment before Kuroo leaned back down and buried his chin in Kenma’s neck. “Congrats, man”, Kuroo grinned with a smile so broad that Kenma could feel his cheeks press against his shoulder, “Who with?”. 

_ ‘Crap’. _

Kenma hadn’t thought far enough ahead to come up with an actual  _ story  _ that coincided with his lie. “Uh”, he started, wracking his brain for anything at all that could sound plausible, “It’s a girl from my sociology class. You don’t know her.” “What’s her name?”, Kuroo pried.”Uh”, the blonde stammered again, “I’m not really sure-- um-- Yashimoto or something like that?”. At this, the dark-haired man couldn’t help but snort. “I was worried for a second there”, Kuroo confessed, “that you were changing into someone I didn’t know, or maybe that I didn’t know you at all to begin with, even. But…  _ that  _ sounds more like the Kenma I know and love.” 

With one more tight squeeze, Kuroo sat up. “I’m really happy for you”, he beamed, gently rubbing Kenma’s back as he spoke, “If you need any advice or help choosing your outfit or anything, just let me know!”. 

_ ‘Ah, there it is’,  _ Kenma thought to himself, tears inexplicably flooding his eyes as he listened to the older man leave his room, gently shutting the door behind him,  _ ‘I  _ **_knew_ ** _ there was a problem with Akaashi’s plan. Kuroo’s way too nice and supportive to selfishly show any kind of jealousy like that.’ _

The blonde rolled over onto his back and pressed his palms to his face.  _ “Unhhh”,  _ he groaned,  _ “Why did I say that?!”.  _ It had just been an impulse. Something to try to deal with the overwhelming feeling of despair that threatened to drown him him each time he found himself in Kuroo’s arms. But now Kenma found himself deeply regretting that impulse, and wishing that he had just shut up and left things the way they were; at least then he wouldn’t feel so alone.

 

The next morning, Kuroo got up unusually late, but once he did, he was even more helpful and considerate towards the younger man than usual. He bombarded the blonde with questions, from, “What time’s your date?” to “Where are you taking her?” to (aggressively-enforced suggestions like) “Let’s go pick out your outfit!”. Kenma  _ knew  _ Kuroo was just trying to help, which honestly only hurt him more; it seemed that not only was the older man distinctly  _ not  _ jealous-- he was downright supportive of Kenma’s news.

It became so unbearable at one point that Kenma, fully dressed up for his pretend date, checked his phone for the text he was supposed to get from the imaginary girl, and said, “Oh, she’s ready. I guess I’m gonna get going.” “Now?”, asked Kuroo in disbelief, “I thought you said your date was at eight? It’s only six thirty…”. “Yep”, shrugged Kenma as he slipped on his shoes, “Guess I’m lucky that you had me get dressed so early. Well, see ya--”.

Before he could get the last of his words out of his mouth, he felt himself being pulled backwards… into Kuroo’s embrace. Kenma’s heart was racing as he stood there, his back pressed to his best friend’s chest, the dark-haired man’s arms snaked around him, clutching him as if this would be their last goodbye. “Good luck”, whispered Kuroo, as he kissed the side of the blonde’s head, “Call me if you need anything. I’ll be here when you get back. I love you.”

Kenma didn’t say anything in response; he couldn’t figure out how to speak without his voice cracking in a desperate attempt to choke back the tears that had found their way to his golden eyes once more.

 

It was nearly 7:30 when Bokuto, who was just climbing out of the shower, heard his doorbell ring. It rang twice more in the period of time it took him to wrap a towel around his waist and cross the apartment. He was surprised, then, when, upon pulling his front door open, he was  _ not  _ met with Akaashi carrying a handful of groceries-- the only usual perpetrator behind the doorbell being rung with such vigor without a guest having previously planned their arrival-- but was, instead, a certain half-blonde kitten with a tear-streaked face. 

He held the door open and Kenma entered without a word exchanged between either man; Bokuto quickly crossed his apartment and grabbed his cell phone, pressing the first number on his speed dial list.

“Akaashi?”, he said in a tone so serious that he’d unknowingly sent his lover into a momentary panic attack, “I think you need to come home.”

 

“I don’t know what happened”, Kenma sobbed not fifteen minutes later, his head laying in Akaashi’s lap and his feet resting on Bokuto’s legs (a gesture he hadn’t initiated personally, but the now-clothed owl wanted to feel like he was a part of something). Akaashi absentmindedly stroked the blonde’s chin-length hair as he cried. “I-- I guess I panicked”, Kenma confessed, “And so, last night, when he came in to cuddle with me after fucking god-knows-who, I told him that I had a date today. And-- and--  _ he was just so supportive!  _ He helped me choose my outfit--” “I thought you were looking especially dapper today”, interrupted Bokuto, who immediately clamped his mouth shut upon seeing the glare shot at him by his beloved. “He gave me all sorts of pointers, and-- I dunno-- everything that happened today seemed like he was so genuinely happy for me!”

Akaashi exchanged glances with Bokuto once more before finally speaking. “Kenma… How  _ exactly  _ did Kuroo react when you told him last night?”. “I told you”, sniffled the blonde, “He was really supp--” “No”, interrupted Bokuto again, “What did he  _ say?  _ What did he  _ do?  _ Give us the deets!”. “‘Deets’?”, repeated Akaashi, his well of patience clearly running dry in that moment. “You know”, shrugged the white-haired man, “Details.  _ Deets.”  _ Akaashi sighed then turned back to Kenma.

“Well…”, thought the blonde, slowly raising himself to a sitting position before pulling his knees into his chest, “...I told him, and he asked me, ‘really?’, and I said yeah.” “Where were you two when you told him?”, asked Bokuto, “What were you doing?”. “Uh”, blushed the blonde, staring fixedly at the floor, “He was in my bed and was cuddling me.”  _ “How?”,  _ asked Bokuto, more aggressively this time. “I… was the little spoon”, he mumbled. 

Akaashi grinned to Bokuto, then put his hand on Kenma’s shoulder. “Don’t be embarrassed”, smiled the dark-haired man, “Someone has to be the little spoon.” Kenma folded his arms and propped them up on his knees before promptly burying his face in them. “I wish it wasn’t me”, he mumbled once more. “Ah, so you want to be the  _ big spoon?”,  _ asked Bokuto, an eyebrow raised and a mischievous grin plastered across his face. “Bo, I swear to god”, muttered Akaashi, “...anyway. He was cuddling you…?”. Kenma nodded. “He was  _ really  _ cuddling me last night though. I don’t know if their sex was especially good, or especially bad, or he was just feeling shitty, but he was holding me really, really tightly.” “I see”, nodded Bokuto. “And when I told him, he kinda sat up, asked, ‘really’, I said yes, he cuddled me for another minute while we talked about it-- he asked me who it was with and where I was going and stuff-- and then he congratulated me and went to his own room.” 

“And did you happen to notice any strange behavior from him today?”, pried Akaashi. Kenma thought on this for a long moment before shrugging, “I dunno. He didn’t get up until like,  _ two  _ today, which is weird because he’s normally up  _ way  _ before I am.” “I see…”, nodded Akaashi, “Anything else?”. Kenma thought again before adding, “Well, this might sound weird, but… he didn’t say he loved me at all today, which is also not typical behavior of Kuroo’s.” Before Akaashi could meet him with another, ‘I see’, Kenma quickly backtracked. “Actually”, he added, “That’s not entirely true. He didn’t tell me he loved me until right before I left the apartment to go on my ‘date’.” At this, Akaashi raised an eyebrow and glanced to Bokuto. “...Can you tell us about what happened today?”, Bokuto pressed. Kenma nodded.

“Well, like I said, Kuroo took forever to get up today, but once he did all he wanted to do was talk about my date. He wanted to see where we were going, he wanted to know more about my date, he even made me go shower and helped me pick out my outfit. It was…  _ annoying.  _ It got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore so I pretended that I got a text from my date and went to leave. While I was leaving, he grabbed me and hugged me and wished me good luck and told me that he loved me.” Akaashi nodded slowly, but Bokuto jumped up and, excusing himself, left the room. He returned moments later with his cell phone, which he held in his hand as the trio continued speaking.

“Something’s not adding up”, Akaashi frowned. “Yeah”, nodded Bokuto, and the two sat silently for a minute before the older man jumped up and asked, “Wait a minute! Who’d you tell him you were going on a date with?”. Akaashi smiled proudly at his boyfriend; that was an important question he hadn’t thought to ask. Kenma shrugged, “I dunno, some girl from one of my classes.” 

“A girl?!”, both Akaashi and Kuroo exclaimed simultaneously. “Y- yeah…”, confirmed Kenma, confused about the strong reaction. “Kenma,  _ why would you say you were going on a date with a girl?!”,  _ sighed Akaashi exasperatedly. The blonde blinked twice at him. “...you told me to make him jealous”, he said quietly. “Yes, but not with a girl!”, the dark-haired man exclaimed. Kenma frowned, “Why not? I get jealous when  _ he  _ has girls over…”. Akaashi shook his head. “But don’t you see the message that sends to him? It tells Kuroo that you’re into  _ girls,  _ whereas before, your total lack of interest could’ve indicated that you were into guys, girls, both, or neither. Having that wildcard was helpful here…”. It took Kenma a moment to process everything Akaashi had said, but as soon as he did, he buried his face in his hands. “Oh my god…”, he groaned, “I’m  _ such  _ an idiot…”. 

“It’s okay!”, Bokuto grinned, rubbing Kenma’s back enthusiastically as he spoke, “No one said that this isn’t salvageable! It’ll just take a little more work!”. Kenma sighed and tossed his head back. “Is it even worth it?”, he asked dispiritedly, “For all we know, I don’t even stand a  _ chance  _ with Kuroo…”. Again Akaashi and Bokuto exchanged glances, but before Bokuto could speak, Akaashi reassured, “Won’t it be better to know than to wonder forever?”. At this, Kenma shrugged. Frowning, the dark-haired man continued, “Besides… best case scenario, you and Kuroo start dating” “And live happily ever after!”, Bokuto interjected with a cheeky grin, drawing a smile and an eye roll from his partner, who then continued, “Worst case scenario… nothing changes. Because I think we  _ all  _ know that Kuroo wouldn’t let something like this change your friendship.” 

Kenma sighed and leaned forward, propping his chin up on his hands, his elbows resting on his thighs. “So what do I  _ do?”,  _ he finally sighed, sounding completely and totally exasperated.

Akaashi sat forward and said, “I still maintain that you need to make him jealous. But you need to do it the right way.” “‘The right way’...?”, Kenma repeated. Akaashi nodded, “The  _ right  _ way. You need to go out with a guy.” “Not just any guy”, grinned Bokuto, “A guy who Kuroo will actually be jealous of.” Akaashi’s eyes immediately lit up; he looked quickly to his boyfriend who nodded in affirmation, essentially saying,  _ “You know who I’m talking about.”  _ “Oh my God… Bo, that’s  _ genius!” _ , Akaashi exclaimed. “I know”, Bokuto grinned proudly. “W- what is?”, Kenma stammered.

“Kenma… do you still talk to HInata Shōyō?”, Akaashi asked excitedly. “...Shōyō?”, Kenma repeated, “What does he have to do with this…?”. “If there’s any man on this earth who can get to Kuroo, it’s him. I mean, he’s jealous of how close you and Shōyō are as  _ friends.  _ Can you  _ imagine  _ how jealous he’d be if he knew you two were going out?” “Or worse”, Akaashi grinned mischievously, “If he walked  _ in  _ on you two on a date?”. “Is there any way you can contact him?”, asked Bokuto enthusiastically. “I mean, yeah, I guess…”, started Kenma, slowly moving to take his phone from his pocket. 

“Do it”, grinned Akaashi and Bokuto in unison. 


	5. Collusion

Kenma nearly jumped out of his skin when the doorbell rang the following Saturday night. His heart was filled with dread as he crossed his apartment and slowly opened the door. 

“Hey Kenma!”, grinned the small redhead standing on his doorstep. “Hey Shōyō”, Kenma said, smiling softly as he held the door open. Hinata pulled the blonde into a quick embrace before proceeding into the apartment.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Shōyō?”, Kenma asked quietly, frowning deeply as he approached the couch and sat down. “Of course!”, beamed the smaller man, throwing himself down besides Kenma. Kenma’s frown only deepened. “You really don’t have to do this if you’re not comfortable…”. “Kenma”, grinned Hinata, “It’s totally fine! I’m more than happy to help. I mean, Kei and I  _ did  _ discuss it, so I do have some boundaries, but I think it’s more than enough to help you figure out your situation for once and for all!”.

Kenma sighed as he looked upon the energetic redhead. He was grateful to have a friend who would truly do anything to help him, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was asking a bit much.

 

\---

 

It had been a little over a week since he’d gone to Bokuto and Akaashi’s apartment in tears. After dissecting what had gone wrong with Kenma’s bluff and encouraging the blonde to reach out to his old friend from Karasuno, Kenma had reluctantly pulled out his phone and began dialing Hinata’s number. “Uh, hello, Shōyō?”, Kenma muttered quietly into the phone. “Videochat with him!”, exclaimed Bokuto, gently shaking Kenma as he spoke. “Uh-- Shōyō… is it okay if we… Yeah, okay. Hang on.”

A moment later, a live feed of Hinata was plastered across the screen of Kenma’s phone. “Hey Hinata!”, echoed a chorus from both sides of the blonde. “Hi Bokuto-san! Hi Akaashi-san!”, Hinata beamed into the camera, “What’s up?”. “We’ve got a favor to ask of you!”, grinned Bokuto as he quickly swiped the phone from Kenma’s hands, “Would you be able to go on a pretend date with Kenma?”. Hinata cocked his head slightly, a question clear in his eyes, and said, “Uhhh, sure… Can I ask why?”. Kenma tried to get his phone back from Bokuto, but the tall ace stood and walked around to the other side of the couch. “Basically”, started the older man, “Kenma here likes Kuroo, but either Kenma is terrible at communicating or Kuroo is completely missing Kenma’s message--” “Or both!”, added Akaashi, earning a glare from Kenma. “--and we’ve decided that the most logical way to go about this is to try to make Kuroo jealous. But we’ve also realized, amongst the three of us, that the person who would be best suited to make Kuroo jealous… is you!”. “Me?”, repeated Hinata in seeming disbelief. Bokuto nodded. “Yep! After all, you’re the first friend Kenma’s ever  _ actually  _ made. Everyone else in his life was because of Kuroo. I happen to know for a fact that Kuroo’s  _ already  _ somewhat jealous of your friendship, so him seeing you guys  _ dating  _ would probably drive him  _ crazy!”.  _

Hinata seemed to weigh this all for a moment before finally replying, “Well, I’d have to talk to my boyfriend about it, but if he’s comfortable with it, I’d be happy to help! ...What did you guys have in mind?”.

Over the next twenty-or-so minutes, the small group went over a bunch of scenarios until they eventually settled on one that was so simple, so foolproof, that  _ nothing  _ Kenma could do could screw it up.

 

\---  
  


“So basically”, Hinata continued, sitting on the couch next to his dear friend, “Kei is fine with kissing and stuff, but doesn’t really want it to go any further.” “No offense”, blushed Kenma, looking away from the redhead, “But  _ I  _ don’t want it to go any further either.” “None taken!”, grinned Hinata. The redhead shifted in his seat so that he could look Kenma in the eye as he spoke. “So, Kei and I had some ideas about how to make this the most effective, if you don’t mind my feedback.” “Not at all”, Kenma replied, shaking his head.

“So”, started Hinata, “First, I think that we should be shirtless. Or  _ I  _ can be shirtless and you can just have your hoodie unzipped with nothing under it. Something along those lines.” Kenma felt his cheeks burning at this suggestion. “Didn’t you say that Tsukishima doesn’t want anything sexual happening?”, he asked sheepishly. Hinata nodded, “Yeah, but I mean, I don’t think this  _ counts  _ as sexual. What it  _ does  _ do is…  _ oh, what did Kei say…  _ it suggests that we’ve been making out for a while, for us to get to the point of getting undressed. That would make it clear to Kuroo that he wasn’t walking in on our first kiss, but something that was a little further along than that.” Kenma thought this over for a moment before nodding. “Okay”, he replied, “Anything else?”. Again Hinata nodded. “We should also lock your door so that it takes him a little bit longer to get in-- that way we’ll know when Kuroo’s coming.” Kenma nodded his own head slowly. “...makes sense”, he admitted.

“And you’re  _ sure  _ you’re comfortable with this?”, Kenma asked yet again as the two men began undressing, preparing to set the scene for when Kuroo arrived. “Yes”, laughed the redhead, “For the last time, I’m completely fine with it. But if you’re uncomfortable, maybe you should consider bringing your feelings up to Kuroo another way…”. Kenma frowned, “I dunno… the more I think about it, the more I realize that everything Akaashi has said is true. I mean, I tried telling Kuroo-- twice-- and he never quite got what I was saying. So, either I suck at communicating or Kuroo sucks at understanding me… or both.” Hinata frowned as he sat back down on the couch, right next to the blonde. “It makes sense”, shrugged Hinata, “But I just wanted to make sure you’re not doing anything you’re not comfortable with.” Kenma nodded thoughtfully. 

The two sat quietly for a few minutes before Kenma looked over to Hinata and, still feeling tremendously nervous, asked, “Do you want me to put the tv on until he comes home?”. Hinata nodded, “Sure!”, and with that, some of the tension in the air began to fade.

 

The two men were pleased to be able to just hang out for the first time ever; their previous hangouts had all taken so much work and coordination that there was never the opportunity to just sit back and relax. They chatted amongst themselves, commenting not only on the shows they were watching but also just generally discussing how life had been for them.

Hinata had been over for nearly two hours by the time the doorknob started rattling. “He’s here”, Kenma whispered, his face blanching as he looked towards the door. “You ready?”, asked Hinata, grabbing his hand. Filled with apprehension, Kenma nodded once. 

Hinata pushed Kenma backwards so he was reclining on the couch, his back pressed against the arm, before climbing on top of the slight blonde. “Put your arms around my neck”, Hinata whispered quickly, and as Kenma moved his hands up Shōyō’s arms, the redhead quickly leaned in and pressed his lips to Kenma’s.

Kenma’s heart stopped, as he was immediately transported back to the night of his first kiss.

 

\---

 

It hadn’t been anything special. It was the last practice camp of Kuroo’s high school career, and most of the members of Fukurodani and Nekoma’s volleyball teams were up way past their coach-mandated bedtime playing truth or dare. It had been mostly tame so far but, of course, Kuroo wasn’t about to let things stay that way. Once Konoha turned the question to Nekoma’s captain (who, predictably, said ‘dare’ and was just challenged to do fifty push ups), Kuroo rounded on Yaku with a massive grin. “Yakkun, truth or dare!”, Kuroo exclaimed excitedly. Seeing the mischievous glimmer in his captain’s eyes, Yaku quickly replied, “Truth”, hoping that would thwart whatever plan Kuroo had. Instead, Kuroo’s grin only broadened. “Alright… Who here do you think has the nicest butt?”, he asked. The various facial expressions around the room had made it clear that everyone knew that  _ someone  _ was going to make their game a little less PG, and no one seemed particularly surprised that it was Kuroo. (This was also likely the reason why several members of both teams opted out of the game, even though it would be the last they’d be able to play with the third years.) 

Yaku’s face burnt bright red as he appraised the group of guys seated around the room. The atmosphere was strange; it was almost as if everyone both wanted to be chosen and wanted to not be mentioned simultaneously. After looking around for a moment, the libero buried his face in his hands and muttered, “...Bokuto”. “Hey hey hey!!!”, Bokuto exclaimed, jumping up and turning to his setter, “Did you hear that Akaashi?! I have the nicest butt!”. “Yes, I heard, Bokuto-san”, sighed the dark-haired second year. “Do you agree?”, grinned Bokuto, and soon Akaashi was ignoring his ace, who was pitching a fit while the rest of the group laughed raucously at their antics. 

Once things quieted down, Yaku, intent on revenge, turned to Kenma, who’d been completely disinterested in the antics of his friends and teammates as he tried to beat the next level of Demon Saga 4™. “Kenma, truth or dare?”, Yaku asked, trying to sound as mischievous and confident as Kuroo had but ultimately falling short. Without sparing a glance, Kenma mumbled, “I’m not playing”. Kuroo, however, grinned and, propping an elbow up on the smaller man’s shoulder, said, “He picks dare, he’s not afraid of what you have for him!”. Yaku smiled maliciously. “Alright then, Kenma… I  _ dare  _ you to  _ kiss Kuroo!”.  _ The rest of the group ‘ooh’ed and ‘aah’ed.  “N- now wait a minute”, Kuroo tried to protest, only to be met with his libero shaking his head. “Nope!”, grinned Yaku, “It’s the rules! The dare is out there! Kenma  _ has  _ to do it!”.  “Yeah”, frowned Kuroo, “Like I said, he’s not a coward. But… can we like, go out in the hallway or something?”. “How do we know you’re not just gonna  _ say  _ you did it?”, frowned Yaku. Kuroo shrugged, “I think after all these years you should be able to trust us to follow through. But… I just don’t think it’s fair to make what I’m assuming is Kenma’s first kiss a public spectacle.” At this, the brunette frowned, “...well, okay. But you two had better do it! I’ll never forgive you if I find out you lied!”. Kuroo pushed himself up to his feet and, with a grin, said, “Oh, we’ll do it, don’t you worry about that!”. The taller man extended his hand down to Kenma who reluctantly took it and allowed Kuroo to help him up, and the two trudged out to the hallway amidst various whoops and catcalls from their friends.

They went down the hall a bit, just to be sure they wouldn’t have an audience, before Kuroo rounded on his best friend. “Sorry to get you caught up in this”, Kuroo laughed, “I just wanted to heat things up a bit. I didn’t think that they’d put you in such an awkward position.” “I told you I didn’t want to play”, Kenma sulked. “Sorry”, Kuroo whispered, stepping in to close the gap between them, “...you know the rules.” 

Kuroo slowly wrapped his arms around Kenma’s slight waist, and Kenma, who’d slipped his handheld game into his sweatshirt pocket, let his hands travel up to Kuroo’s shoulders. His eyelids fluttered shut, and moments later he felt the gentle warmth of Kuroo’s lips pressed against his. He couldn’t deny that it was something he’d been dreaming about for years; he just never thought it would actually happen. Their kiss lasted a few seconds before Kuroo began pulling away, only to press his lips back into Kenma’s once more. The blonde reciprocated, and though he did his best to not seem too over eager, he felt his normally strong well of self-control begin to waver. It wasn’t long before Kuroo’s soft tongue began pushing Kenma’s lips apart, and soon Kuroo was exploring the inside of Kenma’s mouth, with Kenma’s own tongue barely able to keep up. The dark-haired man was pressing his fingertips into Kenma’s waist, pulling him closer and closer as their liplock intensified. Feeling somewhat emboldened by Kuroo’s enthusiasm, Kenma moved his right hand from Kuroo’s shoulder to the back of his neck as Kuroo continued to explore every inch of Kenma’s mouth, stopping every few seconds to swirl his tongue around Kenma’s own.

_ “Woah, get a room you guys!”,  _ laughed Taketora, who’d rounded the corner and was only somewhat surprised to find the two friends making out. Taketora was one of the few players from either team that decided to sit out from truth or dare, after the last game with his teammates made him rank who he thought would be best in bed, in spite of the fact that he was straight.

Kuroo laughed embarrassedly, but Kenma just leaned forward and buried his crimson face in Kuroo’s chest. Once Taketora went into the bathroom, Kuroo leaned down and, pecking Kenma on the top of his head, cooed, “Come on, Kitten. Let’s go back in.” “You can”, Kenma shrugged, “I’m going to bed.”

Without another word, Kenma turned and headed down the hall, passing the room both teams were hanging out in and rounding the corner out of Kuroo’s sight.  


 

\---

 

In retrospect Kenma probably wouldn’t have agreed to this plan had Kuroo not already taken his first kiss. And kissing Hinata was…  _ different.  _ Hinata kissed more aggressively than Kuroo had, pressing his lips so hard into Kenma’s that the blonde briefly worried his lips might bruise. Hinata moved his body a lot, gyrating on top of the blonde as they kissed. His hands wandered up and down Kenma’s bare chest, and the blonde found himself thinking that their show would most definitely be a convincing one.

Suddenly the dull mumble of Kuroo’s voice, which the two had heard from the hallway, became louder and clearer, and Kenma could assume that the door was finally open. 

“So this is  _ mi casa”,  _ Kuroo said as he threw the door open, “What do you say we--”. And then the older man’s voice fell silent, and Kenma knew that Kuroo had noticed them. Suddenly Hinata pulled away from their kiss and, grinning up at the newcomer, said, “Oh, hey Kuroo!”. He looked back down at Kenma, who was blushing brightly underneath him, and said, “You didn’t tell me Kuroo would be home tonight!”. “You didn’t ask…”, Kenma mumbled. 

The girl who’d entered the apartment with Kuroo giggled and turned to her date, her voice lilting as she said, “I guess your living room’s occupied! Why don’t we go to  _ your  _ room?”. “Uh, yeah”, said Kuroo, clearly not having heard a word she said. He shook his arm away from the young woman and stepped forward. “Um, Kenma? Can we  _ talk?”,  _ he asked, the tone of his voice making it quite clear that he was upset.

“Oh… uh… sure”, Kenma replied, sitting up as soon as Hinata climbed off of him. Kuroo’s face contorted into an expression that Kenma couldn’t quite place, and the blonde soon realized that he was staring at Kenma’s exposed chest. Kenma quickly zipped up his hoodie. Hinata pulled on his shirt and turned to the blonde. “You know what?”, started Hinata, “I’m gonna head home. I’ll text you later?”. “Sure”, Kenma said quietly as Hinata leaned in and kissed his cheek, “See ya…”. “Bye Kuroo!”, Hinata chimed before slipping out of their apartment door. 

Kenma looked over to the stranger in their living room and Kuroo, following his roomate’s line of sight, nearly jumped when he saw the girl he brought over. “Oh, uh-- sorry, can I give you a call later?”, he asked. The girl looked incredulous as she scoffed, “You want me to go  _ home?!”.  _ Kuroo nodded amiably, “Yeah, something came up. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”. “Don’t bother!”, the young woman yelled before storming out of Kenma and Kuroo’s apartment.

Their apartment was completely still for a long minute before Kuroo finally choked out, “...do you mind if I sit?”, nodding towards the couch. Kenma shook his head. “Please”, he said quietly.

He took in a deep breath as he watched Kuroo approach the couch and sit down beside him. It was finally time to have the conversation that would make his feelings and intentions completely clear; he just hoped that he hadn’t done any irreparable  damage to his friendship with the man who meant the world to him.

 

 


	6. Confession

The tension in Kuroo and Kenma’s living room was so thick that one could cut it with a knife. Kuroo had sat down beside Kenma only just a minute prior, but that minute felt like it could’ve been hours. The silence was deafening, and Kenma felt his heart beating out of his chest as he waited with bated breath for the older man to speak.

“So uh”, started Kuroo finally, in a voice that Kenma wasn’t all too familiar with. It was shaky. Uncertain. Not at all filled with the usual doses of charisma and confidence that generally seeped through every word Kuroo spoke. “You and Shōyō, huh?”, he asked. Again the tone was strange. “Uh… I guess?”, Kenma replied, staring fixedly on the floor as he did his best to not just come out and confess the plot to his best friend. 

“What happened with that girl you went out with the other day?”, the dark-haired man pried. Kenma shrugged and lied, “It wasn’t a good fit.” “I see”, Kuroo nodded. 

Again, silence. 

The next time Kuroo spoke, his voice cracked, his tone sounding nothing short of defeated as he asked, “So, you’re into guys, then?”. “Yes”, Kenma replied, grateful to be able to say  _ anything  _ that wasn’t a lie. Kuroo turned and looked up at Kenma for the first time in their conversation. The blonde could feel his gaze burning into him but could not force himself to return it.

“Can I ask… since when?”, came Kuroo’s broken voice. Kenma shrugged half-heartedly, his eyes welling up with tears as he prepared himself to lay everything on the line and potentially ruin the most important relationship in his life. “I guess… since middle school?”, he responded quietly, “Or at least, that’s the first time I ever liked anyone, and it just happened to be a guy that I liked.”

“I-- I see”, Kuroo choked out. The older man shifted on the couch, reclining backwards with his hands folded behind his head. “I’m sorry for asking this”, he started quietly, “But… well… Why wasn’t it ever  _ me?”.  _ Kenma snapped his head up and looked over to Kuroo; his heart practically stopped when he saw the usually mellow, good-natured man’s own eyes were filled with tears that were leaking steadily out of the corners. “Y- you?”, Kenma asked, astonished by this question.

“Well… yeah”, Kuroo replied, glancing across the room to avoid meeting Kenma’s eyes, “I mean… I thought I was pretty obvious about my feelings for you basically since we met. And… well… I dunno, I’m just surprised, that’s all. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, it hurts a little, but--”  _ “Your  _ feelings for  _ me _ ?”, Kenma asked. “Aw c’mon, Kitten, don’t make me…”, started Kuroo, his cheeks flushing at the thought of having to spell out how he truly felt about the younger man. But Kenma wasn’t having any of it. “No”, the blonde replied, shaking his head, “What do you mean,  _ your feelings _ ?”. 

Kuroo sighed and sat up again, resting his elbows on his knees and interlacing his fingers before hanging his head slightly. “I thought it was always really obvious how I felt about you. That I-- I’ve always loved you.” “Like a friend?”, Kenma choked out, certain that what he thought he was hearing couldn’t be correct. Kuroo chuckled briefly before shaking his head and admitting, “...No. More than a friend.” 

An oppressive silence fell over the room once more. It was only broken once Kenma couldn’t contain his sobs anymore. Kuroo turned to look at his best friend, his heart heavy and full of remorse for causing the blonde so much pain. “Kitten”, he mumbled, “I-- I’m sorry. Just… forget it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship with my selfish desires. Besides”. Kuroo paused, practically choking on the words he wanted to say before ultimately pushing them out. “...you and Shōyō looked cute together. Just-- just forget I said anything.” Seeing that his words only seemed to be hurting the blonde more, Kuroo stood. “I’ll-- I’ll give you some time. I’m sorry, Kitten. I’ll be in my room if you need me--”

Kenma grabbed Kuroo’s hand before he could take a step. “Sit back down, you idiot”, the blonde sobbed, wiping his cheek with the sleeve of his free hand. Kuroo, completely taken aback by the sudden insult, sat down without a word. Kenma hadn’t relinquished his hand, but was wiping the tears from his other cheek, even though they were quickly being replaced.

“Kuro”, Kenma started between sniffles, choosing to use the dark-haired man’s nickname to sort of break the ice, “Why didn’t you  _ tell  _ me that you liked me?”. “I did”, admitted Kuroo, looking somewhat shocked that Kenma was even asking such a thing, “Many times. Eventually I decided that you were intentionally letting me down softly and just chose to do my best to get over it. In retrospect, us moving in together only made it worse. I just wanted to hug you, to hold you, to tell you that I love you. I tried dating around in the hopes of getting over you, but I just  _ couldn’t.  _ I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but all of the girls I’ve been bringing home have looked like you. It was unintentional, and I even tried to stop myself and date someone that, I guess, wasn’t ‘my type’, but I always came back to thin, short, blonde girls.” 

Kenma looked as if he was short-circuiting.

“I mean, I hope that doesn’t creep you out or anything”, laughed Kuroo nervously, still unsure as to the direction the conversation was taking. 

Finally the blonde shook his head and replied, “No, it doesn’t. But-- backing up a little… You said that you’ve confessed to me many times. I just… I can’t imagine when you’re referring to.” At this, Kuroo laughed out loud. Finally able to smile once more, he grinned up at the blonde, “Geez, where do I even  _ start?  _ There was that time in my third year of middle school where I said ‘I like you’ when we were hanging out alone at the park. It took everything I had to work up that courage, and you said, ‘I like you too! Thanks for being my friend!’.” Kenma blushed slightly, indicating that he  _ clearly  _ remembered the occasion that Kuroo was referencing. The older man continued, “I thought about that for a long time. It was over a year before I was willing to try again, and this time I made sure to make it special. I bought you that game you wanted that year for Christmas, and while you were opening it I said, ‘Hey, Kenma… I love you.’ And you were  _ so  _ excited about your present that you hugged me for the first time ever. And  _ again  _ you said, ‘I love you too, Kuroo! You’re the best friend ever! Thanks for the awesome gift!’. When I was in my second year and you in your first, on Valentines Day, I gave you chocolates, and told you I loved you, and you told me to ‘stop being an ass’... although, you did eat the chocolates.” At this, Kenma found himself blushing profusely. “I thought you were making fun of me…”, Kenma admitted embarrassedly, the realization of just how many times he’d ignored Kuroo’s affections finally dawning on him. “The biggest one, though, happened in my second year, too. I asked you on a date. I said, ‘Hey, Kenma, do you wanna go out with me this weekend?’, and you looked at me like I had three heads and asked, ‘Why are you even asking that? We hang out, like, every weekend.’ I took you to the movies and everything but… I dunno. You just… didn’t seem to comprehend that it was a date. At that point I guessed it was just willful ignorance on your part to try to preserve our friendship.”

_ “‘Willful ignorance’”,  _ Kenma scoffed, before exclaiming, “God, I was such an idiot!” “It’s okay, Kitten. I mean, I don’t blame you f--” “No”, the blonde said sharply, cutting Kuroo off before he started, “Kuro, you don’t understand. The guy I’ve liked all these years… is you.”

The dark-haired man fell silent, studying Kenma’s eyes for any sign of mirth or derision. Failing to see anything along these lines, his gaze fell to the floor where he seemed to be trying to comprehend the words Kenma had just spoken.

“I couldn’t believe how torn up you were”, Kenma continued, “because these were all thoughts that  _ I’ve  _ had about…  _ us.  _ Because, I mean, I’ve tried to confess to you, too. Only twice, but--” “When?”, Kuroo demanded. Kenma shrugged. “I guess the first time was right before you graduated. I was worried that you were gonna go off to college and forget about me. So one night when you were talking about school, I just blurted out, ‘I love you’, and you smiled at me and said, ‘I love you too! I didn’t expect you to get so sentimental about me leaving, though! It’s okay, I’ll come back and visit often.’” The look that crossed Kuroo’s face confirmed that he, too, remembered this occasion, and had completely missed the message that Kenma was trying to convey. “The second time”, continued the blonde, “Was a little bit after I moved in here. It was so frustrating to see you with all these girls, and to know that I didn’t even really  _ try  _ to show you my feelings. So one night we were watching a movie, and I said, ‘Kuroo… I  _ love  _ you’, and you replied, ‘I love you too! I’m so glad you moved in with me! Now it can be just like old times!’. I just… didn’t have the heart to try again. I just figured, since you were always with one girl or another, that the idea of me being, y’know,  _ into guys,  _ hadn’t even crossed your mind.” 

“Oh, it had”, laughed Kuroo sadly. 

“So… where do we go from here?”, asked Kuroo, “I mean, I know you’re saying that you liked me too, but you’re with Hinata now…”. “Hinata?”, Kenma asked, laughing slightly at the prospect, “...Kuro, Shōyō’s dating  _ Tsukishima.  _ You should know that.” “Oh yeah!”, the dark haired man exclaimed. The light went on above Kuroo’s head, though it quickly flickered back out. “Wait…”, he said, furrowing his brow deeply as he tried to undo the mental knot Kenma’s reminder had just given him, “...if Chibi-chan is with Tsukki… why were you two…  _ you know?”.  _

Kenma smiled sheepishly. “I… well…”, he started, “...it’s a long story.” “Do tell”, quipped Kuroo with an eyebrow raised. Kenma took a deep breath in before starting, “well, the night that I ‘went on a date’ with ‘that girl’... It was all a lie to try to make you jealous.” “It worked”, replied Kuroo with a scowl. The blonde raised an eyebrow. “You certainly didn’t make it  _ seem  _ like it worked.” “Well,  _ duh!”,  _ replied Kuroo, “What kind of shitty friend would I have been to let my crush on you overshadow your good news?”. Kenma clicked his tongue and shook his head before continuing, “In reality, I went to Bokuto and Akaashi’s place that night.” “What?”, asked the older man, clearly astonished by this revelation, “... _ Why?”.  _

After taking another deep breath and secretly cursing himself for allowing things to build up so dramatically that there was such an involved backstory, Kenma began telling his best friend about how he accidentally confessed his feelings for Akaashi that night at the club. Once he was finished, he was met with a deep scowl from the older man. “First off”, frowned Kuroo, “You should’ve  _ told  _ me that my hook ups bothered you so much.” “I did”, replied Kenma blankly, “Many times.” Kuroo’s scowl only deepened. “I didn’t think you  _ meant  _ it”, he frowned, “I thought you were just complaining at me for the sake of complaining.” Kenma rolled his eyes. “Is that what you think of me? That I just complain for no reason?”, the blonde asked indignantly. “No…”, started the older man, falling silent briefly before remembering the other point he wanted to bring up, “...I’m going to kill Bokuto and Akaashi.” “Why?”, laughed Kenma lightly. “Those  _ assholes  _ could’ve just  _ told you  _ I liked you and let things unfold from there, rather than creating this whole convoluted plot.” 

Kenma stared at him blankly for a moment before asking, “...They  _ knew?”.  _ “Of course they knew!”, scoffed Kuroo, “The second they started dating, I told them about my feelings for you. They’ve been my support group for the last two years!”. “Hm”, Kenma hummed, “I wonder why they didn’t just tell me, then.” Kuroo rolled his eyes and sat back on the couch before sighing, “Knowing Akaashi, he probably felt it wasn’t their place and wanted us to figure it out ourselves.” “That’s dumb”, Kenma sulked.

Turning to the younger man, Kuroo asked, “So… I have one more very important question.” “What’s that?”, Kenma asked, raising an eyebrow. The older man’s veil of severity soon lifted, however, and a mischievous grin crossed his face as he asked, “Who’s the better kisser: me or Shōyō?”. Kenma returned his smile before replying, “I don’t know. I don’t remember, exactly, how you kissed.” Taking this as the challenge it was meant to be, Kuroo leaned closer to the young man and smirked, “I guess I’d better remind you then, huh?”. 

Kenma felt as if he was living a dream as Kuroo leaned closer to him, putting his hand gently on the side of the blonde’s cheek. Their lips connected for the second time in their lives and Kenma felt a jolt of electricity burn through him. Kuroo’s lips were soft and tender, though his kiss fierce and passionate as he drew them closer and closer. This time there was no dare. Kuroo was kissing Kenma because he  _ wanted  _ to. It was an overwhelming thought for the younger man as he did his best to reciprocate the level of emotion displayed by the man he’d loved for so many years. The chastity of their kiss didn’t last for long; soon Kuroo’s tongue began prying his lips apart, and soon Kenma felt himself being lifted and pulled into the older man’s lap, where he wrapped his arms around Kuroo’s neck. Kuroo threaded his own arms around Kenma’s waist, the tips of his fingers gripping the younger man so tightly the Kenma could almost believe that there was no fabric separating their skin.

As the younger man felt himself being consumed deeper and deeper by their kiss, Kuroo very abruptly pulled away. Kenma scowled at him and tried taking his lips once more, but Kuroo grinned and leaned his head back. “So?”, the older man teased. “So  _ what?”,  _ Kenma asked impatiently. “Who’s the better kisser?”. 

This time it was Kenma’s turn to grin mischievously. He climbed off of Kuroo’s lap and, with a playful glimmer in his eye, teased, “Let’s go to my room. I think I need to do a little bit more testing before I can give you an answer.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was, by far, the shortest fic I've ever written! :O idk, I had the idea for it like, over a year ago, and vowed that I would only write it once I finished my other two works at the time. Those two works... only wrapped up last month. So here we are! I've enjoyed writing this. KuroKen is actually the one ship that appears in ALL of my fics, which is interesting. I didn't know I was so invested in them until I made this realization lol. Their relationship is just so natural! ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> If you happened to enjoy this, I'm currently working on two fics:  
>  **[The Airway](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15862887/chapters/36953181#workskin)** , a DaiSuga Fantasy AU  
>  **[Written Across My Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15532182/chapters/36055398)** , a collaborative TsukiHina Soulmate AU.
> 
> Then, of course, there's my other works, **[How Can You Say No?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11117502/chapters/24813480)** (OiKage) and my three fic series, **[Love Amidst the Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/series/774825)** (TsukiHina). 
> 
> Thank you, everyone, for your kudos, comments, and over all support :)


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